How Do You Live With A Thai Woman?
I've had many friends plan to travel and live long-term in Thailand. Their intention includes finding a good Thai girl, so they live happily ever after. Or so the story goes. Sadly, for most of them, after a few months of living with their Thai girlfriend, things fall apart, and the relationship ends. So does their Thailand 'Dream Life'.
Is it possible for a foreign guy to live successfully with a Thai woman?
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There are many differences between a man and a woman. Living with a Thai woman has challenges; amplified by disagreements with her culture, lifestyle and outlook on her future. Foreign men will overcome relationship problems with a Thai wife by instigating precise behavioural requirements; around the areas of personal conduct, sexual satisfaction, household duties and financial aid.
Just What Do I Need To Start Understanding Thai Women?
You never really know a person until you've lived with them.
In my first three years in Thailand, I met over 300 Thai women for my usual coffee 'getting to know you' met up, I dated about 30 of them and lived with 3. I'm a picky kind of guy these days and in this country lol.
But I also follow my own ground rules for Thai women, so I have the best opportunity in finding who I want. And that's an important distinction, for foreign men who seem to continually fail in getting the Thai girl they want for a long term relationship.
What Are You Both Looking For?
Thai people are generally very free-spirited and ultra-casual in their thoughts and actions. Most don't have any notion about their long term future, beyond the next few meals.
While that's probably one of the reasons you love Thai women so much, it can work against you if you're looking for a long term relationship with one.
And do you, yourself, even know what your future holds? It might come as a shock that most people have no clue where they want to be in 6 months or beyond.
But let's start with:-
What does your new Thai friend expect from you?
When meeting a Thai girl for the first time, over a coffee or chocolate, it's a good idea to touch on the subject of what she wants.
The majority of the Thai girls you meet will reply with a simple 'a good boyfriend'. If they've had Thai guys before, it's typical they've been treated like crap. That seems to be widespread throughout S/E Asia with local men.
Now is the best time to start looking for her emotional baggage. Start with her past experiences. They'll be both potential warning signs and areas you might need to take extra care around. If she's head-strong and dominant, that might not be what you want. I know most guys prefer compliant, gentle Thai women.
If she's got a job, has it been long-term? Is she looking to advance or change? Go exploring if she's the type who wants to open a mini-shop as that's a common goal - and a waste of time and possibly, your money. Most think having a mini-shop and being a business owner is the path to riches.
Most also fail as they don't have a good head for money management and business principles.
Has she got children already?
Does she want more kids in the future?
Never overlook a Thai woman's want for more children and especially having some with a foreigner. It's a common belief that girls here would prefer their kids having 'western' features as it would bring them better opportunities in life. You only need look at Thai Drama TV to see many of their TV Superstars have mixed blood.
I know my girlfriends' work friends often tell her she'd be blessed to have children with me so they might get my blue eyes and other features. Thankfully for me, she does not want to have children.
Are you ready to cope with another person's children? You would be required to 'take care' in some capacity as well. Another persona's children might mean them living with her and you. Perhaps financial help when she needs money for their schooling and tuition.
As I said in the beginning, don't be surprised if she hasn't got much to say about 'future planning' and that's OK.
Now It's Your Turn
After you've done your initial probing, it's natural she'll ask you. If not, bring it up yourself so she has some understanding of what she might be getting into with your plans.
You need to know what your plans are before you go off meeting and trying to find a long term Thai girlfriend.
If you don't recognise what you want, it's likely things will go pear-shaped if you eventually do choose a girl. You'll have no direction. You need to do some necessary planning and map-out some rough guidelines for yourself.
- Do you intend to stay in Thailand?
- For how long?
- What about your Visa requirements for the length of stay?
- Most Thai girls will undoubtedly be wondering whether any relationship will last if you're just a holiday friend. Some women won't be interested. Have this question prepared if you get asked.
- How are you going to survive, in Thailand, financially?
- Can you cope with the additional financial burden of a 'live-in' Thai woman and maybe some kids?
- Any extra people will require more money. No matter where in the world you live
- How will you cope?
- What about travel and adventure while you're in the Land of Smiles?
- More money required and the Thai girl is unlikely to be able to contribute
- If you're planning a long term stay in Thailand, what frequency for travelling? What time-off periods can she have from her job?
- Don't even mention sex on your first date. Just be aware of any comments the girl raises on the topic.
- Some Thai women say they don't like sex. My experience is the majority of them love 'making boom-boom' and see it as a relationship necessity (which it is)
- You don't want or need to get yourself into any sort of relationship which has sexual difficulties
- How's your health?
- Do you have any health-related issues that require special needs?
- Thai women are virtually programmed to take care of their partner. It's more a question for you and how it might affect how and where you live (financially too).
- Do you want children in the future?
Planning the Move Together
We've covered the dating process in a few past blog posts already. Check these out, take notes and mould the process to your lifestyle and needs:-
What to do on a Thai Girl 2nd Date?
Thai Singles - Don't Fall Into the Usual Traps
A Thai Girlfriend - All You Need To Know
Thai Ladies and Dating - My First 2 Years Doing It
If you've found a good girl to live with, congratulations. I mean that too - it usually takes a reasonable amount of time to find someone suitable for your life. Hopefully, you've got some mutual goals in life and talked about them and how they'll work. Most Thai girls are simply happy to find a good guy in life.
You now come to the point of having her move in with you.
Thailand has the reputation of being the sex capital of Asia. Women in Thailand are reserved when it comes to outward displays concerns sex. That doesn't mean they're reserved behind closed doors though - quite the opposite.
For the most part, living together in Thailand, without some marriage agreement, is very commonplace. Do not be conned into the 'marriage first' BS either. Some women will try that on, just to snare a foreigner. Also remember, divorce can be difficult as well. The point of living with your new-found Thai girlfriend is to know whether she IS the marrying kind or at least the long-term variety.
So just ask whether she wants to live with you so you can both know whether you're good together. And take it from there.
I remember when the time came with my current girlfriend three years ago. She said she wanted to take time so she could decide if it was a good idea or not. I simply replied 'You know already, don't you?'. She said 'Yes' and moved in the next day.
The rest is getting comfortable together and working out who does what and when.
You're going to need quite a bit of additional space. Thai girls love fashion and clothes. A lot of it will now be headed your way lol.
You're lucky too, as women in Thailand are also trained from a young age to take care of their man. She'll want to do things to take care of the relationship. Understanding the assignment of jobs is essential from the get-go. They need to know to look after the washing, cooking (if you do that in your condo or house), dishes and general cleaning. I have a once-a-week maid that comes for condo cleaning, and I prefer to eat out, but your preferences will differ.
Keep on them when they start to slip. Thais tend to be far more relaxed; they're in a comfortable environment. The maintenance of their required household duties will eventually wane. Remind them, always. They need to understand and learn about their responsibilities in life.
For the most part, a Thai girl is easy to live with, every day.
Stick To Your Guns
In your past failed relationships, back home, many of those problems would have stemmed from a few main areas. You want to avoid repeating past mistakes.
So what's important to you? Is it something like:-
- Importance and frequency of sex?
- Show respect?
- Maintaining a clean home?
- Keeping up with the housework?
- Keep talking and stop with the silent treatment?
Whatever they are, you need to explain to your Thai girl what they are and why she needs to avoid making them. If she doesn't, then it'll be the end of her relationship with you.
The toughest part for you now is sticking to your guns on this. But you need to be tenacious, or you're going to get walked over and end up with another failure.
Once you've explained to the girl, you need to be on constant guard for the first time she errs. It will happen. Don't let the opportunity slip by either.
Tell her immediately that she's fucked up. Tell her this was all explained at the very beginning, and it's a big problem for you. Does she want things to end right now or not? Give her the chance to explain. There are still language and context issues at work, maybe. I and others have to use the '3 Strikes, and You're Out' method.
I know it might sound childish or even silly to work this way. But it does work surprisingly well.
This method is the initial training you need to get right, with a Thai woman. You can thank me for it later. Keep a notebook of times, places and dates when they stray from the rules.
All women tend to have memory failure when it comes to not remembering the collapse of critical things. You need to be the one maintaining direction and pulling her back into line.
Doing this 'training' from the outset will pave the way to a much smoother relationship with her. There will always be small bumps in the road. But not big problems when it comes to regular and enjoyable sex, showing you respect and doing her duties.
You must remember it's not about creating some sort of slave. Not at all. You want to have a good woman in your life that satisfies you; no BS.
If the Thai girl you've chosen wants the same, she needs to understand what that means and be prepared to learn thoroughly. From experience, Thai women wish to learn about new things and are MORE THAN HAPPY for you to show her and keep her on track.
Don't be scared to try new things yourself. Be tough to get the smooth ride, in the end.
New Joys You'll Experience
A Thai woman loves to take care of 'her man.'
You won't get the same pampering in your home country that a Thai girl will give you.
Among other things, they will happily:-
- Trim and tidy your finger and toenails
- Clean your nose out after your shower
- They won't nag you like a western woman will (by the way, have 'No Nagging' on your list too)
- Hold your arm when out in public. Many prefer this to hold hands as it is a public display to other Thai women that you are their guy. Thai women tend to be very jealous.
- Prepare even a takeaway meal like 7-Eleven when you get home. You do nothing other than to sit down on the sofa. They'll take care of everything. Go put your feet up
- Walk around your home/condo buck naked. Her constant nudity is so pleasant on your eyes and brain - it's an indescribable feeling. You do need to mention to them that you like it this way as well as always naked in bed too - so they know it's OK.
They make excellent mothers too if that's what you need. Do make sure she wants to have kids before you start a relationship though.
Easy To Live With - Set The Rules
All in all, it isn't that difficult to live with a Thai woman providing you do some planning, stick to the plan and follow through if she isn't the one.
There are plenty more women in Thailand that are waiting in line to try with you.
FAQ
What can you expect from a Thai Girlfriend?
- she will willingly take care and trim your finger and toenails
- she will lovingly clean your nose out after a shower
- they don't nag like a western woman
- she loves holding your hand or arm in public
- she loves to prepare food for you
- she loves to be naked at home for her man
What rules should I explain to a Thai woman?
- you view about the importance and frequency of sex
- she must be respectful of you
- if she must maintain a clean home
- importance of keeping up with the housework
- she must keep talking and stop with the silent treatment
What are good talking points when first meeting a Thai woman?
- Do you intend to stay in Thailand?
- How are you going to survive, in Thailand, financially?
- What about travel and adventure while you're in Thailand
- Do you have any health-related issues that require special needs?
- Do you want children in the future?
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